Someone recently asked me why I so often include this symbol 8) on my tweets and online writing. They told me they had done some searching online for the meaning of this symbol and had no luck in finding anything. I was kind of shocked for two reasons. One; that there is nothing online about this symbol(or related symbols) and two; that there was someone out there who didn't inherently understand the meaning of it.
We discussed it for a bit and I jokingly stated that maybe I should wiki it since I'm really the only person I know of that uses this particular version of the symbol on a regular basis. She thought it was a great idea and I countered with deciding to do a short blog on it instead....for now any ways.
So here it is, for those that don't already understand the deep and unfathomable meaning of this symbol 8) it's just a smile. Just turn it 90 degrees to the right and you see it immediately. A lot of people use the old standard smiley face :) which is also very nice, but I found that it was too impersonal. I also see people using =) for a smiley face and this also is a fine example of the art. I've just always(since getting online) preferred the 8) smiley because it just seemed more open. I mean look at the eyes 8. two open circles eyes wide open to what is to come. Of course the fact that you can see what life is and can be good or bad and still smile is very important.
So for me this symbol 8) is my simple way to send a smile along to those I interact with online. I can't always(in fact seldom am I able to) send a smile directly, so this lets me at least send the thought of a smile along. Better yet, it's a smile with eyes wide open to the hope and despair, the love and hate, the joy and pain we all go through. It's a reminder that as long as you can still smile, there will always be that hope over despair, that love over hatred, and that joy over pain to keep you going.
It may be sappy or silly to a lot of people, but I like to try and bring some glimmer of hope or goodness to those I have the privilege of meeting. That is why I try to send smiley faces when ever appropriate and sometimes when not quite so appropriate. I think if we could all smile at each other a little more often, it could make a difference. At the very least it couldn't hurt. So if you get a tweet or something scribbled on your wall and there is a smiley at the end, even though it isn't a huge effort, it is still someone wanting to put that little extra into the world. Take it for what it is and maybe pass it along to the next person you type at 8)
Thursday, September 29, 2011
A couple examples of why I'm an atheist
I have certain irreconcilable (for me) problems with the Judeo/Christin religions, that will always be the core of why I am an atheist. I won't even go into how the universe came into being, there are much more serious issues that bother me. I will try to lay them out in this post so that anyone can see what I'm talking about.
First we have to define God. According to the bible God is an all knowing, all powerful perfect being who created the heavens and earth and everything within them. He commands the sun to rise and set, he placed the stars in the sky, and everything happens by his will. I think this is a fairly accurate description according to biblical text.
Now here are my problems with this. First; if God created everything he also must have created evil and the bible even supports this. God created the "heavenly host" all the angels which are supposed to be too numerous to count. Angels are supposed to be perfect beings modeled directly from god. Yet. when God created Adam and Eve and gave them dominion over all the animals he also set the angels to serve them. This upset Satan and caused him to oppose God. God then cast Satan out of heaven and one third of the heavenly host followed Satan. How could a perfect all knowing all powerful being first create a supposed perfect being that would turn out so imperfect as Satan is supposed to have been? Also How could an all knowing God not have seen it coming?
Second; God put Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and then put temptation in the form of the tree of knowledge of good and evil right smack in the middle of the garden and with no explanation told Adam and Eve not to eat of it. So if Adam and Eve had no knowledge of good and evil, how were they to know that it was evil to disobey God until/unless they actually ate the fruit? Also Why would God put such temptation there in the first place if he did not expect them to eat of it? Don't forget this is supposed to be an all knowing being. Did he set them up to fail?
Just these two examples are enough to cause me to have serious doubts about God. Either God is not all knowing, or he knowingly let his angels be corrupted. Either he did not think Adam and Eve would eat of the forbidden fruit, or he knowingly placed temptation as the center of Edan so that Adam and Eve would be forced to sin. Either God is not all knowing and hence can not be the God of the bible, or he is malignant and is not worthy of worship.
Until someone can come up with a real explanation for these and many other examples, then I can not worship nor believe in such a deity.
First we have to define God. According to the bible God is an all knowing, all powerful perfect being who created the heavens and earth and everything within them. He commands the sun to rise and set, he placed the stars in the sky, and everything happens by his will. I think this is a fairly accurate description according to biblical text.
Now here are my problems with this. First; if God created everything he also must have created evil and the bible even supports this. God created the "heavenly host" all the angels which are supposed to be too numerous to count. Angels are supposed to be perfect beings modeled directly from god. Yet. when God created Adam and Eve and gave them dominion over all the animals he also set the angels to serve them. This upset Satan and caused him to oppose God. God then cast Satan out of heaven and one third of the heavenly host followed Satan. How could a perfect all knowing all powerful being first create a supposed perfect being that would turn out so imperfect as Satan is supposed to have been? Also How could an all knowing God not have seen it coming?
Second; God put Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and then put temptation in the form of the tree of knowledge of good and evil right smack in the middle of the garden and with no explanation told Adam and Eve not to eat of it. So if Adam and Eve had no knowledge of good and evil, how were they to know that it was evil to disobey God until/unless they actually ate the fruit? Also Why would God put such temptation there in the first place if he did not expect them to eat of it? Don't forget this is supposed to be an all knowing being. Did he set them up to fail?
Just these two examples are enough to cause me to have serious doubts about God. Either God is not all knowing, or he knowingly let his angels be corrupted. Either he did not think Adam and Eve would eat of the forbidden fruit, or he knowingly placed temptation as the center of Edan so that Adam and Eve would be forced to sin. Either God is not all knowing and hence can not be the God of the bible, or he is malignant and is not worthy of worship.
Until someone can come up with a real explanation for these and many other examples, then I can not worship nor believe in such a deity.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Progressives need to work together
"President Obama caved to the republicans once again." "He hasn't kept any of his promises." "He's to weak to stand up to the tea party and fight for our progressive future." You hear this a lot today in our main stream media. It's the big meme of the day for "hard core" progressives, or the "pro left pundits" It's like a mantra and the thing about it is that it's total hogwash.
President Obama has gotten more accomplished against greater odds than any other progressive president in my life time. Lets take a look at some of the things he has done.
He has passed a health care bill, something that even Clinton couldn't do. It may not be perfect, In fact there are a lot of things that need to be improved upon, but it does help the average citizen tremendously. Included are fixing the pre-existing condition clause, expanded access to health care and subsidies to help those who can't afford it, free wellness check ups for seniors, and cut over payments to insurance companies by Medicare among other things.
He got "don't ask don't tell repealed in our military so that any American with a desire to serve our country is now (as of this Tuesday) able to do so without compromising themselves.
He has overhauled the credit card industry and put limits on the fees that can be charged to consumers.
Obama got the Dodd-Frank bill passed. Even though it doesn't go far enough in many peoples view, it is a definite start to re-regulating the financial system that caused the 2007 meltdown.
He fought for and got help for our 9 11 first responders who risked their lives for our fellow country men. This is something that should never have been a fight, but our dear friends the conservatives felt that the first responders apparently didn't need any help.
He also passed the stimuli's bill which kept us from dropping into a much more serious depression than we were already in. I know many say it wasn't enough, but with the full force of the republican party pushing against it, I think he did an amazing job getting anything at all.
Though he didn't initiate it, he did complete the tarp bank bail outs and managed to recover almost the entirety of the cost put into it.
He has increased infrastructure spending which had been almost nonexistent before. And when this jobs bill passes, it will add more money to improving our crumbling infrastructure. This is one that I personally think we need much more of.
The list goes on and on. It is just incredible the things Obama has gotten through extreme opposition from the right and whining from his supposed supporters on the left. To say that President Obama has done nothing since taking office is an outright lie.
If you are a democrat, progressive, liberal, or even a poor old dirty hippie like myself, you should be shouting it from the rooftops that Obama is our man for the White House. For anyone to say the president is weak or afraid to stand up to the tea party, especially if they claim to be progressives, is just undermining our chances of getting Mr Obama a real progressive congress and Senate so he can really make some changes for the better.
Sometimes it seems to me that we progressives are our own worst enemy when it comes to politics. The Pro left as they have come to be known seem to think Obama has let them down. He's not progressive enough for them, he doesn't keep his promises, he is in cahoots with the bankers, he didn't raise millionares taxes, they have a long litany of complaints that are in fact bogus. These people wouldn't be happy even if Obama turned the US into the socialist country that they so dearly want us to be.
These people muddy the truth and cause the general population to take the wrong message home. They think that if they beat up on Obama enough, he will suddenly magically change everything and single handedly topple the conservative destruction of our country. The exact opposite is true. The constant harping on Obama discourages voting by making the average person think "what difference who is in office, they are all bad"
Well think about this. If we don't re-elect Obama we will be faced with a republican government that has done nothing but protect the ultra rich at the expense of the middle class and poor. They will put an end to medicare, social security, the EPA, food stamps, women's reproduction right, and put an end to separation of church and state. Who knows what else these wing nuts will try to do to us.
If we let the tea party and their republican flunkies continue to push their lies as truth, if we let them defeat Obama because we just don't have the political will to fight them, if we just lay down and let them walk all over us, then we deserve what we get.
So if you want to see our country continue to move forward instead of backwards, you must do your part. Raise your voice and be heard. Tell everyone you know what is happening. Organize a progressive club to disseminate the truth. Post blogs, tweet, stand on the corner and tell everyone that goes by, I don't care how you get the message out, just do it. If we don't then our country will be consumed by the right wing and you wont recognize your own country in another 10 or 20 years.
President Obama has gotten more accomplished against greater odds than any other progressive president in my life time. Lets take a look at some of the things he has done.
He has passed a health care bill, something that even Clinton couldn't do. It may not be perfect, In fact there are a lot of things that need to be improved upon, but it does help the average citizen tremendously. Included are fixing the pre-existing condition clause, expanded access to health care and subsidies to help those who can't afford it, free wellness check ups for seniors, and cut over payments to insurance companies by Medicare among other things.
He got "don't ask don't tell repealed in our military so that any American with a desire to serve our country is now (as of this Tuesday) able to do so without compromising themselves.
He has overhauled the credit card industry and put limits on the fees that can be charged to consumers.
Obama got the Dodd-Frank bill passed. Even though it doesn't go far enough in many peoples view, it is a definite start to re-regulating the financial system that caused the 2007 meltdown.
He fought for and got help for our 9 11 first responders who risked their lives for our fellow country men. This is something that should never have been a fight, but our dear friends the conservatives felt that the first responders apparently didn't need any help.
He also passed the stimuli's bill which kept us from dropping into a much more serious depression than we were already in. I know many say it wasn't enough, but with the full force of the republican party pushing against it, I think he did an amazing job getting anything at all.
Though he didn't initiate it, he did complete the tarp bank bail outs and managed to recover almost the entirety of the cost put into it.
He has increased infrastructure spending which had been almost nonexistent before. And when this jobs bill passes, it will add more money to improving our crumbling infrastructure. This is one that I personally think we need much more of.
The list goes on and on. It is just incredible the things Obama has gotten through extreme opposition from the right and whining from his supposed supporters on the left. To say that President Obama has done nothing since taking office is an outright lie.
If you are a democrat, progressive, liberal, or even a poor old dirty hippie like myself, you should be shouting it from the rooftops that Obama is our man for the White House. For anyone to say the president is weak or afraid to stand up to the tea party, especially if they claim to be progressives, is just undermining our chances of getting Mr Obama a real progressive congress and Senate so he can really make some changes for the better.
Sometimes it seems to me that we progressives are our own worst enemy when it comes to politics. The Pro left as they have come to be known seem to think Obama has let them down. He's not progressive enough for them, he doesn't keep his promises, he is in cahoots with the bankers, he didn't raise millionares taxes, they have a long litany of complaints that are in fact bogus. These people wouldn't be happy even if Obama turned the US into the socialist country that they so dearly want us to be.
These people muddy the truth and cause the general population to take the wrong message home. They think that if they beat up on Obama enough, he will suddenly magically change everything and single handedly topple the conservative destruction of our country. The exact opposite is true. The constant harping on Obama discourages voting by making the average person think "what difference who is in office, they are all bad"
Well think about this. If we don't re-elect Obama we will be faced with a republican government that has done nothing but protect the ultra rich at the expense of the middle class and poor. They will put an end to medicare, social security, the EPA, food stamps, women's reproduction right, and put an end to separation of church and state. Who knows what else these wing nuts will try to do to us.
If we let the tea party and their republican flunkies continue to push their lies as truth, if we let them defeat Obama because we just don't have the political will to fight them, if we just lay down and let them walk all over us, then we deserve what we get.
So if you want to see our country continue to move forward instead of backwards, you must do your part. Raise your voice and be heard. Tell everyone you know what is happening. Organize a progressive club to disseminate the truth. Post blogs, tweet, stand on the corner and tell everyone that goes by, I don't care how you get the message out, just do it. If we don't then our country will be consumed by the right wing and you wont recognize your own country in another 10 or 20 years.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Is god able to stop evil but not willing?
I was told last night by a person who claims to be in training for the priesthood that "The absence of good or evil has no bearing on the omnipresence of God" and that "God allows evil to exist so that good can come out of it". I read these statements and it just boggles my mind. How can, in a world supposedly created by god, good and evil(or the absence there of) have no bearing on God? Did he not (according to the bible) create the heavens and earth and all that inhabit them? If god created everything, then he also created evil and is solely responsible for it.
The argument I got to my statement was "He(god) is not bound by the ramifications of evil. He can change it at will." and "guilty by association fallacy". To which I say, there is no fallacy of association, if god created everything he also created evil, you can't have it both ways. God can not create everything, but not be responsible for evil which is a part of his creation. If as I was told, god can change evil at will, then that once again proves my point that god being able to change evil and not doing so is in itself an evil act.
The guilt by association "fallacy" is just plain ignorant. The argument used to support this supposed fallacy was " If you witness a crime, are you evil because you were in the presence of it?". The problem with this argument is that once again, if god created everything, he also created evil and so is inherently associated with said evil and so in turn is evil himself. Or you could say that if God is a witness to evil and has it in his power to stop it and doesn't then he is as guilty of evil as the actual perpetrator is.
Lets go back a minute to this "God allows evil to exist so that good can come out of it", that's like saying I'm going to allow someone to rape you because it will make you a better person down the road. It still boils down to if god allows evil to exist when he has the supposed power to vanquish it, then he is also evil.
How anyone can interpret this any other way is beyond me. Either god is the almighty all knowing creator of heaven and earth and all that is found within, Including evil, or he did none of it and is just another myth from the bronze age.
Friday, August 19, 2011
American Exceptional-ism
I hear people all over the country talking about American exceptional-ism. How the United States is supposed to be the shining example of what all other nations should strive to be. As much as I would like to agree with these people, there are too many things I see which cause me to question how exceptional our country is right now.
Japan is getting 90% efficiency from their energy grid, Germany is getting 85 % efficiency while the United states has a 50 year old power grid and an efficiency rating of about 35%. That means that for every ton of coal we burn we only capture 35% of the available power released from that coal. That is so wasteful it's not even funny when the technology is there to make our grid much more efficient.
I look at China and France with their high speed rail systems which travel 200 or 300 mph and then compare them to our nonexistent high speed rail system. America is the country that invented the cross country rail system, and now there are several countries who's rail systems make ours look like a joke. A good high speed rail system could reduce American dependence on oil and other fossil fuels, it could more efficiently move people and goods from place to place at a reduced overall cost.
I look at our education system that ranks well below many other industrialised nations. Our children are as the saying goes, the future of our country. We should be doing everything we can to improve our education system at every level and in every school. This should be one of our highest national concerns. I just don't understand anyone not wanting our public school system to be the very best in the world.
Our highways and bridges are crumbling away and nothing is being done about it, but that's ok because unless we start really working on reducing our dependence on fossil fuels, no one will be able to afford to drive on the roads any ways. There are countries in Europe that have cars that get more than 50 mpg and heading towards 80 mpg. Our country has just set new fuel efficiency standards that will bring us in line with Europe's current fuel standards in 15 years.
We have so many things in our country that are in dire need of attention that it's frightening. Mean while we have a government that can't stop arguing enough to realise that the people are getting fed up with the nonsense.
We desperately need a real government works project that will rebuild not only our infrastructure, but also our economy. If the government would just grow up and stop trying to pull each other down, then maybe they will figure out that right now, there is nothing else that is going to fix the United States. If they don't, then I fear for the country I love.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I think it's time
I have not been in a relationship in a very long time, and some of the reasons for this are not the reasons I had originally thought they were. My last relationship ended in a very painful, very messy split. There was a long custody battle over our daughter and in the end, I lost. I haven't seen my daughter since then. I was hurt deeply and sunk into a long dark depression that has taken me many years to work through.
I ended up moving back in with my father renting the upstairs of his house so that I could afford to pay my child support and try to get back on my feet financially. Instead of putting myself back together, I spent the next couple years becoming more and more disconnected from the world around me. I considered suicide more than once and came close to doing the deed a couple times.
My daughter was everything to me and when she was taken from me it just ended my world. For a long time though I went to work and did the bare minimum to keep going, existing as apposed to living. It got to the point where I realized I needed some real help and I sought out counseling.
Jumping ahead a couple years and with the help of a couple good professionals, I was starting to feel more like a human being again and felt that maybe it was time to get out there and maybe meet someone again. I was working on becoming more socially active and less fearful of life.
At this point I had been able to put aside a little money and had plans to move back out on my own and get on with my life in some shape or another, when my father became ill. I ended up staying with him for another couple years to help out and towards the end take care of him. this left me little time to worry about myself and though my father did need me there, I had opportunity to go out if I wanted, but I used the excuse of my fathers illness to put my love life on hold again.
My father passed away a year and a half ago and the time since then has been very hectic and has involved 2 moves on my part. I ended up buying a mobile home the middle of last year and have gotten to where I actually feel like this is my home now. My fathers death has also been kind of a wake up call for me. It has made me take a good hard look at my life and I realize now that I have definitely not been living up to my potential.
I have finally been able to lay to rest some of the ghosts which have haunted me for the last decade, and find myself again. I still have issues that I am dealing with, but I have a handle on them and they don't control me anymore. I am able to feel something other than hurt or indifferent. I am no longer looking for excuses to put off enjoying my life.
I have a long way to go still, but I am well on my way and know where I am heading for the first time in almost 12 years. Once again I am walking among my fellow humans and it feels good. I feel good about myself most of the time, and though I still deal with depression, it has become much less of an issue. I'm putting together a good life for myself and I think it would be nice to share it with someone who can appreciate it. I don't know yet who that will be, but I think I will enjoy finding her.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
From the Stars to Eternity
There are many things which when I think about them, just make me stop in complete wonder. One of the most amazing to me is the thought that every thing, you, me, every one and every thing including our earth, are all made up of the remnants of dead and exploded stars.
I mean think about it, over billions of years, millions upon millions of stars forming, living out their celestial lives, then exploding in huge blasts of matter and energy. Then this matter slowly over time gathering into yet more stars with planets forming around them. More time and more energy and life begins to form. Over hundreds of millennium life evolves all the while more stars exploding and raining down their remains across vast stretches of space.
The fact that every particle of every person on earth was once a particle of some distant star just boggles my mind. Not just people though, every animal every plant every grain of sand, all the gold and gems that we count as valuable, all of it was once part of a star. It's very humbling and at the same time exhilarating beyond belief.
To know we are all made of star dust that may have come from the farthest corners of the universe makes me feel like in my own insignificant way, that I am a part of everything that is, has been and will be. It makes me so much more than just me. I am a hundred million super novas spread out over vast expanses of time. I am every person who ever lived before me. I am the sun, the moon and the planets. What's more, everyone else out there is also a combination of all these wonderful things.
When I compare these facts to the pitiful myths of religion, it makes me wonder how a mere god could ever compare to the reality of things. Why would I want to spend an eternity worshipping at the feet of some spoiled selfish arrogant supposed deity, when I can be dispersed over expanses of space and time to possibly become part of the particles that make up some future being in some other place? This to me is my mortality, this is where I would go when I die. Though my awareness may be left behind, my body, or at least the atoms which make up my body, will carry on.
I mean think about it, over billions of years, millions upon millions of stars forming, living out their celestial lives, then exploding in huge blasts of matter and energy. Then this matter slowly over time gathering into yet more stars with planets forming around them. More time and more energy and life begins to form. Over hundreds of millennium life evolves all the while more stars exploding and raining down their remains across vast stretches of space.
The fact that every particle of every person on earth was once a particle of some distant star just boggles my mind. Not just people though, every animal every plant every grain of sand, all the gold and gems that we count as valuable, all of it was once part of a star. It's very humbling and at the same time exhilarating beyond belief.
To know we are all made of star dust that may have come from the farthest corners of the universe makes me feel like in my own insignificant way, that I am a part of everything that is, has been and will be. It makes me so much more than just me. I am a hundred million super novas spread out over vast expanses of time. I am every person who ever lived before me. I am the sun, the moon and the planets. What's more, everyone else out there is also a combination of all these wonderful things.
When I compare these facts to the pitiful myths of religion, it makes me wonder how a mere god could ever compare to the reality of things. Why would I want to spend an eternity worshipping at the feet of some spoiled selfish arrogant supposed deity, when I can be dispersed over expanses of space and time to possibly become part of the particles that make up some future being in some other place? This to me is my mortality, this is where I would go when I die. Though my awareness may be left behind, my body, or at least the atoms which make up my body, will carry on.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
What makes a person special
I've been debating with someone on twitter today about weather or not a person can be special or not. I agree with her that no one is inherently special do to birth right or monetary value, but I disagree that a person can not work to make them self special. I also concede that special, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. SO here, I will try to explain what to me makes a person special.
There are many people that I would consider special to me. A good example would be the people in Japan Who are working in the reactor buildings trying to divert a disaster. They are doing everything they can without regard for their own personal safety to protect the greater population.
Another would be the teacher who spends 6 or 8 or sometimes even more hours a day trying to instill the needed knowledge to or kids while at the same time wondering when they will be the next "spending cut", then goes home and spends another 3 or 4 hours grading papers and preparing for tomorrows class. Many times spending their own money from their steadily shrinking income to make sure their students have the supplies they need to learn.
Their are so many more, firefighters, paramedics, the people of Egypt who were willing to peacefully fight for their freedom, the people of Libya that are willing to die for their freedom even though they have no chance on their own. So many that it's impossible to list them.
No, being rich or having been born into a certain family doesn't to me make a person special. What makes a person special is their willingness to put others before themselves. The desire to make a positive difference in this world. The ability to look at another person regardless of color or background and say you are a human like me and and everyone else and we should all be willing to help one another.
There are many people that I would consider special to me. A good example would be the people in Japan Who are working in the reactor buildings trying to divert a disaster. They are doing everything they can without regard for their own personal safety to protect the greater population.
Another would be the teacher who spends 6 or 8 or sometimes even more hours a day trying to instill the needed knowledge to or kids while at the same time wondering when they will be the next "spending cut", then goes home and spends another 3 or 4 hours grading papers and preparing for tomorrows class. Many times spending their own money from their steadily shrinking income to make sure their students have the supplies they need to learn.
Their are so many more, firefighters, paramedics, the people of Egypt who were willing to peacefully fight for their freedom, the people of Libya that are willing to die for their freedom even though they have no chance on their own. So many that it's impossible to list them.
No, being rich or having been born into a certain family doesn't to me make a person special. What makes a person special is their willingness to put others before themselves. The desire to make a positive difference in this world. The ability to look at another person regardless of color or background and say you are a human like me and and everyone else and we should all be willing to help one another.
Monday, February 21, 2011
A Call to the Defense of America
I'm not even sure where to begin at this point, there is so much to take in. Budget deficits, wars in 2 countries, women's rights being attacked again, public workers being blamed, and on and on. All of it can be followed back to their roots with the financial ultra elite. I'm not going to go into all the facts and evidence of this, I'm just throwing out some questions and speculations on the subject.
Now we know that people (and I use that term very loosely here) like the Koch brothers and their 1% club are doing everything they can to break the American middle class, and redistribute even more wealth to the top 1 percent club. We also know that the US government and the wall street/bank/mega corporation conglomeration are just about to the point of being one in the same. We also know that the US government has been for many years involved in keeping ruthless dictators and despots in power in third world countries around the globe. The media is all pretty much owned by the big corporations so all you hear from them is what they are told to tell us.
I mean look at Wisconsin, as many as 70 thousand protesters in the state capital, and what have we seen on the mainstream media? Not much and a lot of that is aimed at making the working people look like the bad guys. Those people aren't destroying our country, they are fighting for their basic human rights. They are not taking anything from anyone, they earn their pay and benefits and yes they are entitled to them.
Maybe look at women's rights instead. Dr Tiller was gunned down while in his church because he was willing to help women obtain an abortion which is a legal medical procedure. Of course to hear it from supposed pro lifers, abortion is evil and murder, so killing an abortion doctor is a noble deed. Kind of backwards if you ask me. Women are people too, they deserve the same rights to decide what happens to their own bodies as any man does.Even more so since men don't have to worry about getting pregnant if they are raped(yes men and boys get raped too ( I speak from experience)).
The US has a one million five hundred thousand man active military and a huge reserve, and a military budget that exceeds all the other military budgets in the world combined. We have more bases than even the pentagon can keep track of (no really, they don't know). We have a war going on in Afghanistan that we started. we have a war going on in Iraq that we should never have gotten into that was started by a lie. Oh and that one we started too. I could go on and on with more and more, but I think we have a good picture already.
Our US government is and has been for a long time nothing more than a plutocracy.The government, federal and state, are owned and operated lock stock and barrel by the giant corporations, which along with the banks and Wall Street, are owned in most part by a small group of select families.
I was never one of those people that believes all the conspiracy theories and the one world order stuff that's been going around for who knows how long, but now I begin to think that maybe there is some truth to it. Why else would people who have so much that they couldn't possible have need of anything want even more? If you had 10 or 20 billion dollars, can you think of anything at all that you couldn't afford to buy? Really, is there anything at all that that kind of money can't buy?
Think about this. The Koch brothers just recently gave themselves an 11 billion dollar salary increase. It would take the incomes of about 220 thousand average American families to equal that sum. That was just their raise to themselves, they make a lot more than that. When you have everything, all the luxuries, the toys, the properties, the businesses and literally everything, what else could you possibly want?
I guess the only thing left is power over other people. The ability to have the masses of humanity ebb and flow to your beck and call. It must be a very a powerful draw for some. Personally I don't think it would ever appeal to me, but some people seem to thrive on control. They believe that those who have money deserve power. They think that those who don't, deserve to suffer. They may even achieve their goals for a while.
But I believe in the power of humanity. I just don't think that the billions of people that don't belong to the 1% club will allow it. I think that no matter what these elitist throw at us, we will persevere. They just don't learn from history, this has happened before many times over the centuries. Eventually all oppressive regimes fall.
You just have to look at Egypt, or any of the other middle east or African countries who's governments are falling to citizens that are tired of the injustices. You can also look to the great people out in Wisconsin, who have been peacefully protesting to save there bargaining rights from corporate shill Scott Walker, Governor of Wisconsin. These people standing up for their rights are not the ones who have put our country in the position it's in.
Now we know that people (and I use that term very loosely here) like the Koch brothers and their 1% club are doing everything they can to break the American middle class, and redistribute even more wealth to the top 1 percent club. We also know that the US government and the wall street/bank/mega corporation conglomeration are just about to the point of being one in the same. We also know that the US government has been for many years involved in keeping ruthless dictators and despots in power in third world countries around the globe. The media is all pretty much owned by the big corporations so all you hear from them is what they are told to tell us.
I mean look at Wisconsin, as many as 70 thousand protesters in the state capital, and what have we seen on the mainstream media? Not much and a lot of that is aimed at making the working people look like the bad guys. Those people aren't destroying our country, they are fighting for their basic human rights. They are not taking anything from anyone, they earn their pay and benefits and yes they are entitled to them.
Maybe look at women's rights instead. Dr Tiller was gunned down while in his church because he was willing to help women obtain an abortion which is a legal medical procedure. Of course to hear it from supposed pro lifers, abortion is evil and murder, so killing an abortion doctor is a noble deed. Kind of backwards if you ask me. Women are people too, they deserve the same rights to decide what happens to their own bodies as any man does.Even more so since men don't have to worry about getting pregnant if they are raped(yes men and boys get raped too ( I speak from experience)).
The US has a one million five hundred thousand man active military and a huge reserve, and a military budget that exceeds all the other military budgets in the world combined. We have more bases than even the pentagon can keep track of (no really, they don't know). We have a war going on in Afghanistan that we started. we have a war going on in Iraq that we should never have gotten into that was started by a lie. Oh and that one we started too. I could go on and on with more and more, but I think we have a good picture already.
Our US government is and has been for a long time nothing more than a plutocracy.The government, federal and state, are owned and operated lock stock and barrel by the giant corporations, which along with the banks and Wall Street, are owned in most part by a small group of select families.
I was never one of those people that believes all the conspiracy theories and the one world order stuff that's been going around for who knows how long, but now I begin to think that maybe there is some truth to it. Why else would people who have so much that they couldn't possible have need of anything want even more? If you had 10 or 20 billion dollars, can you think of anything at all that you couldn't afford to buy? Really, is there anything at all that that kind of money can't buy?
Think about this. The Koch brothers just recently gave themselves an 11 billion dollar salary increase. It would take the incomes of about 220 thousand average American families to equal that sum. That was just their raise to themselves, they make a lot more than that. When you have everything, all the luxuries, the toys, the properties, the businesses and literally everything, what else could you possibly want?
I guess the only thing left is power over other people. The ability to have the masses of humanity ebb and flow to your beck and call. It must be a very a powerful draw for some. Personally I don't think it would ever appeal to me, but some people seem to thrive on control. They believe that those who have money deserve power. They think that those who don't, deserve to suffer. They may even achieve their goals for a while.
But I believe in the power of humanity. I just don't think that the billions of people that don't belong to the 1% club will allow it. I think that no matter what these elitist throw at us, we will persevere. They just don't learn from history, this has happened before many times over the centuries. Eventually all oppressive regimes fall.
You just have to look at Egypt, or any of the other middle east or African countries who's governments are falling to citizens that are tired of the injustices. You can also look to the great people out in Wisconsin, who have been peacefully protesting to save there bargaining rights from corporate shill Scott Walker, Governor of Wisconsin. These people standing up for their rights are not the ones who have put our country in the position it's in.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Awakening
I think I am waking up. I was asleep for a very long time. I have been slowly emerging from the webs that fog my mind. For so long I drifted along like so many others, thinking I was ahead of the game. Even more so I thought I wasn't even playing the game. I was a rebel, I went my own way, but I was fooled. I was asleep.
A couple years back, I couldn't tell you for sure how many, I Began thinking again. I entered a state of not quite wakefulness, but also not being fully asleep. I began to pay attention to what was going on around me. I began to understand what was going on around me. Not everything, not at first, probably not even now. I knew enough though, the proccess had started, my slumber was troubled.
It has taken a while, two, three, four years, maybe more. I do not know when I started emerging from my slumber, it was a gradual thing. There were set backs, there were distractions, but I have passed them, and I come very close to full wakefulness. The things I see scare me and part of me wants to ignore it and go back to sleep. After all, if I'm asleep, I can't see, but my fears won't let me. I know now I must wake and come fully to my senses, there is a fight that needs to be fought, and though I may not be able to lead it, I must participate.
I wake to the struggles of humanity verses itself in a contest Of frieghtening proportions. I see people being oppressed all over the world including right here in the United States. I feel bad for all those who are in such desperate straights, they have to little help them in these times of greatest needs. I want to help, I feel a need to do what I can to help my fellow humans make it through, but I realize I have very little to spare. My bills get bigger it seems from month to month. Where I used to have a little cushion to cover in case of an emergency, I find now that there is just barely enough to cover what needs to be covered. I have very few "luxuries" and I may have to cut back on even those few soon. It finally dawns on me that it's not all those oppressed people, it's all of us oppressed people. The frieghtning truth is finally sinking in and I can no longer close my eyes and pretend to sleep.
It is time to put off the warm blanket of lies, leave my sleeping behing and face the truth. I must join the cause of humanity, and let my voice be heard. I will do my part to spread the word, to help convince those who do not or will not see what is being done to us. I don't understand why more have not become aware of what is being done to the average people of not only our country, but the world as a whole. The more I learn, the more frightning it becomes. Our so called government of the people and for the people has become a government of the corporation for the corporation.
While corporate executives live their lives in opulent granduer that any king would envy, millions of people are wondering if they will have a home tomorrow. While the rich eat lobster and caviar, many are worried that they wont be able to feed their families through the week. as the elites sit in their offices in their glass and steel towers making millions for doing nothing, men and women are being turned away from yet another job interview. These men of wealth and power don't care, don't even see what the rest of us are going through.
I see what lies down the road these men of power wish to take the world. I Don't like what I see, so I will wake. I will spread the word so that others may wake and do likewise. I will keep my eyes open and seek out my place in the struggle. I will not be caught sleeping again.
A couple years back, I couldn't tell you for sure how many, I Began thinking again. I entered a state of not quite wakefulness, but also not being fully asleep. I began to pay attention to what was going on around me. I began to understand what was going on around me. Not everything, not at first, probably not even now. I knew enough though, the proccess had started, my slumber was troubled.
It has taken a while, two, three, four years, maybe more. I do not know when I started emerging from my slumber, it was a gradual thing. There were set backs, there were distractions, but I have passed them, and I come very close to full wakefulness. The things I see scare me and part of me wants to ignore it and go back to sleep. After all, if I'm asleep, I can't see, but my fears won't let me. I know now I must wake and come fully to my senses, there is a fight that needs to be fought, and though I may not be able to lead it, I must participate.
I wake to the struggles of humanity verses itself in a contest Of frieghtening proportions. I see people being oppressed all over the world including right here in the United States. I feel bad for all those who are in such desperate straights, they have to little help them in these times of greatest needs. I want to help, I feel a need to do what I can to help my fellow humans make it through, but I realize I have very little to spare. My bills get bigger it seems from month to month. Where I used to have a little cushion to cover in case of an emergency, I find now that there is just barely enough to cover what needs to be covered. I have very few "luxuries" and I may have to cut back on even those few soon. It finally dawns on me that it's not all those oppressed people, it's all of us oppressed people. The frieghtning truth is finally sinking in and I can no longer close my eyes and pretend to sleep.
It is time to put off the warm blanket of lies, leave my sleeping behing and face the truth. I must join the cause of humanity, and let my voice be heard. I will do my part to spread the word, to help convince those who do not or will not see what is being done to us. I don't understand why more have not become aware of what is being done to the average people of not only our country, but the world as a whole. The more I learn, the more frightning it becomes. Our so called government of the people and for the people has become a government of the corporation for the corporation.
While corporate executives live their lives in opulent granduer that any king would envy, millions of people are wondering if they will have a home tomorrow. While the rich eat lobster and caviar, many are worried that they wont be able to feed their families through the week. as the elites sit in their offices in their glass and steel towers making millions for doing nothing, men and women are being turned away from yet another job interview. These men of wealth and power don't care, don't even see what the rest of us are going through.
I see what lies down the road these men of power wish to take the world. I Don't like what I see, so I will wake. I will spread the word so that others may wake and do likewise. I will keep my eyes open and seek out my place in the struggle. I will not be caught sleeping again.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Thoughts of a Quiet Atheist
Ok, so I've been doing a lot of reading and watching of videos and whatever other information I can find on Atheism and the apparent battle going on between some of the "heavy hitters" of Atheism and religion. Though I think we need people like Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins and P Z Meyers to kind of egg things on, I also think that there has to be people with a quieter message for potential future Atheists.
I mean, I understand all the bad that religion has been responsible for in the past and also in the present day, but, I also recognize that religion has also done a lot of good in the world. There are a lot of people out there who especially in this day and age need something to hold onto to keep themselves rooted in some kind of sanity. For these people religion gives them these roots. I don't want to be the one to try and rip these peoples religious roots out and cause them to cling that much tighter to them.
I don't try to convince people that they are wrong to believe in a god, I try to lead by example. I do my best to treat people the way I would want to be treated. I give respect to everyone regardless of their personal beliefs because I hope that they will return the courtesy. Though I don't try to hide the fact that I'm an Atheist, I also don't ever try to push my (belief?/disbelief?) on others. I figure that if people see me living as a good and moral person even though I know there to be no gods, maybe it will get them thinking a little bit.
I don't like being confrontational with people, it just goes against my grain. Now don't get me wrong, I will defend myself and those I hold dear, but I will not be the one to throw the first stone so to speak. I also enjoy a good earnest civil debate, but when things get heated, for me any ways, it's time to step back and take a few minutes to think.
I see no reason to insult someone by claiming that their beliefs are silly or dangerous, or that they are stupid or gullible for having those beliefs. Getting people mad at you for attacking something that they consider to be a part of their life regardless of how large or important a part of their life it is, does not in my opinion make them more likely to give that something up.
I prefer to continue as I have for a long time now, using common courtesy, respect and kindness to convey my message. If I find my self in a situation where I am at the receiving end, then if possible I remove myself from the situation, or if not possible, then as I said before, I will defend myself as needed. I will not however be the initial aggressor in any confrontation.
I find that I get much more satisfaction from doing what I can to help other people out when and where I can now that I'm doing it just because it's the right thing to do as apposed to trying to score browny points with some supreme being. It's also entertaining to see the reactions when people find out I'm an atheist. It's hard for some people to reconcile a good person not being a Christian, but it's hard for them to dismiss the evidence staring them in the face too.
I mean, I understand all the bad that religion has been responsible for in the past and also in the present day, but, I also recognize that religion has also done a lot of good in the world. There are a lot of people out there who especially in this day and age need something to hold onto to keep themselves rooted in some kind of sanity. For these people religion gives them these roots. I don't want to be the one to try and rip these peoples religious roots out and cause them to cling that much tighter to them.
I don't try to convince people that they are wrong to believe in a god, I try to lead by example. I do my best to treat people the way I would want to be treated. I give respect to everyone regardless of their personal beliefs because I hope that they will return the courtesy. Though I don't try to hide the fact that I'm an Atheist, I also don't ever try to push my (belief?/disbelief?) on others. I figure that if people see me living as a good and moral person even though I know there to be no gods, maybe it will get them thinking a little bit.
I don't like being confrontational with people, it just goes against my grain. Now don't get me wrong, I will defend myself and those I hold dear, but I will not be the one to throw the first stone so to speak. I also enjoy a good earnest civil debate, but when things get heated, for me any ways, it's time to step back and take a few minutes to think.
I see no reason to insult someone by claiming that their beliefs are silly or dangerous, or that they are stupid or gullible for having those beliefs. Getting people mad at you for attacking something that they consider to be a part of their life regardless of how large or important a part of their life it is, does not in my opinion make them more likely to give that something up.
I prefer to continue as I have for a long time now, using common courtesy, respect and kindness to convey my message. If I find my self in a situation where I am at the receiving end, then if possible I remove myself from the situation, or if not possible, then as I said before, I will defend myself as needed. I will not however be the initial aggressor in any confrontation.
I find that I get much more satisfaction from doing what I can to help other people out when and where I can now that I'm doing it just because it's the right thing to do as apposed to trying to score browny points with some supreme being. It's also entertaining to see the reactions when people find out I'm an atheist. It's hard for some people to reconcile a good person not being a Christian, but it's hard for them to dismiss the evidence staring them in the face too.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
My fears for the future
I believe we are heading for a major civil war some where down the road. Weather it will be a U.S. war or a global war I'm not sure yet, but I can see the signs. In fact, anyone who is willing to open their eyes and do a little research can easily see the same things that I do. What I see is the ultra elite powers that be, the same people that have systematically syphoned off the biggest part of our economy into their own private pockets, are trying to take over the world.
I Know that many don't or won't believe what I see, but for me it is to plain to ignore. The elites have used money and political influence to warp the laws of our country until they really only benefit the very rich and the big corporations. if you aren't one of them then you don't matter to them unless you make waves for them. As long as they can continue to play the right off the left, the poor off the middle class, the old off the young and the whites off the minorities, they will continue to profit off of us all.
The problem for the elites is that there are very few of them so they have to rely on fear and anger provoked between the various factions of the middle and lower classes by their propaganda to cover for their clandestine works behind the scenes to make everyone beholden to them. Once the people realize who is doing what, they will turn their anger and dismay towards the real root of the problem. In this day and age it is even more difficult for the elitists to hide their doings than it was even twenty or thirty years ago. The Internet and all the advancements in cell phone technology and many of the other flashy gizmo's meant to divert us and keep us docile for them, have the advantage to us of allowing pretty much instant communication. Without the ability to limit what we hear and see to what they want us to hear and see, they are vulnerable.
Though I would really prefer to see things worked out on a less violent level, I honestly believe we have already seen the first shots fired in this war. I'm not just talking about Representative Gifford and the other people who were shot in Arizona, if you keep up with the news. you know there have been many more mass shootings in the U.S. than just that one. In fact there have been more than one a month for the last couple years. Though some of these can be written off as crackpots there are many that are specifically aimed at supposed opposing factions.
We see more and more of our young men and women killed off in senseless wars. Which brings up the world outside our country. Things aren't looking too good any where right now. There are more and more fracture groups on all sides. All of them are either upset or mad at one or the other and most really don't know who or what their mad at, but it's starting to sink in.
I think that somewhere in the next 20 to 50 years, many of the Tea Party people and the liberals and the conservatives and the minorities that are in the middle class and lower class will not be able to deny what is already plainly there for anyone who is willing to look. That the very upper echelons of world powers have been playing us all for dupes for quite some time. Then you will see them lose much of their anxiety of each other and start looking to deal with the real root of the problem.
I do not pretend to know how things will turn out. I do believe we will see Great changes good or bad. I am just guessing here, but I believe the elites expect to use the US military to protect them, but I also believe that enough of the military when ordered to go against there own country men will sicken of being the tools of those who would put an end to what our country men fought so hard to gain so many years ago when they threw off the chains of their masters.
I believe that in the end those of us that are right now suffering from the oppression of the elite will take back our country but at what cost I fear to guess. I just hope that one day humanity will learn that until we can put our differences aside for good, we will be doomed to continue to repeat this vicious cycle yet again.
I Know that many don't or won't believe what I see, but for me it is to plain to ignore. The elites have used money and political influence to warp the laws of our country until they really only benefit the very rich and the big corporations. if you aren't one of them then you don't matter to them unless you make waves for them. As long as they can continue to play the right off the left, the poor off the middle class, the old off the young and the whites off the minorities, they will continue to profit off of us all.
The problem for the elites is that there are very few of them so they have to rely on fear and anger provoked between the various factions of the middle and lower classes by their propaganda to cover for their clandestine works behind the scenes to make everyone beholden to them. Once the people realize who is doing what, they will turn their anger and dismay towards the real root of the problem. In this day and age it is even more difficult for the elitists to hide their doings than it was even twenty or thirty years ago. The Internet and all the advancements in cell phone technology and many of the other flashy gizmo's meant to divert us and keep us docile for them, have the advantage to us of allowing pretty much instant communication. Without the ability to limit what we hear and see to what they want us to hear and see, they are vulnerable.
Though I would really prefer to see things worked out on a less violent level, I honestly believe we have already seen the first shots fired in this war. I'm not just talking about Representative Gifford and the other people who were shot in Arizona, if you keep up with the news. you know there have been many more mass shootings in the U.S. than just that one. In fact there have been more than one a month for the last couple years. Though some of these can be written off as crackpots there are many that are specifically aimed at supposed opposing factions.
We see more and more of our young men and women killed off in senseless wars. Which brings up the world outside our country. Things aren't looking too good any where right now. There are more and more fracture groups on all sides. All of them are either upset or mad at one or the other and most really don't know who or what their mad at, but it's starting to sink in.
I think that somewhere in the next 20 to 50 years, many of the Tea Party people and the liberals and the conservatives and the minorities that are in the middle class and lower class will not be able to deny what is already plainly there for anyone who is willing to look. That the very upper echelons of world powers have been playing us all for dupes for quite some time. Then you will see them lose much of their anxiety of each other and start looking to deal with the real root of the problem.
I do not pretend to know how things will turn out. I do believe we will see Great changes good or bad. I am just guessing here, but I believe the elites expect to use the US military to protect them, but I also believe that enough of the military when ordered to go against there own country men will sicken of being the tools of those who would put an end to what our country men fought so hard to gain so many years ago when they threw off the chains of their masters.
I believe that in the end those of us that are right now suffering from the oppression of the elite will take back our country but at what cost I fear to guess. I just hope that one day humanity will learn that until we can put our differences aside for good, we will be doomed to continue to repeat this vicious cycle yet again.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Rational Anarchy, My Personal Viewpoint
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Friday, February 4, 2011
My journey from religion to atheism
Hi, my name is Mark and I'm an atheist, a free thinker, a humanist and a skeptic. I unfortunately can not claim to have always been these things. This is my story on how and why I became all of those things. It was a long road for me, and took a lot of research and questions.
I was raised as a Presbyterian which I have always considered a fortuitous things as this particular denomination is in my opinion less in your face than many of the modern Christians religions. My mother was a Sunday school teacher and my father was a deacon of the church so even though my upbringing was very much centered around the church, at least it wasn't one of those evangelical indoctrinations. As a youth I was actually pretty into it to be honest. Not having been exposed to any other viewpoint, how could I have known any better? I was in the youth choir, went to summer bible school, our family always went to the Wednesday night potlucks, and on Sundays we went to Sunday school and once I was old enough, I got to go to church services with my parents. I officially joined the church and was baptised at the age of 13. The next summer I got to go to my first summer camp and of course it was a christian summer camp. That is pretty much how things went till I reached the age of 15 or so.
At the same time I think I have always also been a skeptic. Though my skepticism did not include my religion until I was in my mid teens, on almost any other subject I had to be convinced with positive proof and facts. This meant I did a lot of exploring and generally getting into things I wasn't supposed to. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I got bit, stung, scratched, cut, burned, or worse during my life due to my need for knowledge and proof of everything around me. I got into a lot of trouble with my parents because of this too.
Because of my insatiable curiosity science was a natural draw for me. I got my first microscope when I was 9 and got my first chemistry set at 10. I spent hours reading everything from Jacques Cousteau, who was always one of my favorites as a child, to astronomy books and chemistry and pretty much anything I could get my hands on. My favorite subject though has always been reptiles. I caught my first garter snake when I was 5 and from that moment on, I was hooked on these amazing creatures. Snakes just fascinated me, here was an animal that with no arms or legs could move with ease through it's environment and is a lethal hunter to boot. This love of snakes is what I credit for my eventual change to a nonbeliever.
The change was slow to come, but around the age of 15 I realized that the bible portrayed snakes as evil, this just didn't sit right with me. Here was an animal that I had spent 2 thirds of my life studying and researching and learning everything I could about being blamed for the sins of mankind! Now up until this point, I had not really read much of the bible other than specific verses that were assigned to me at Sunday school, but I decided I needed to read the whole thing so I could understand more fully this conflict of what I knew to be true about snakes and what I had been taught in church was supposedly also true about snakes.
I started reading the bible and I went from cover to cover. When I finished reading it, I was just shocked. I was not sure what to think at this time, there were so many confusing and conflicting ideas and stories and so many of them were so astounding it was kind of overwhelming. I decided to talk to my minister and see if he could clear things up for me. In a nutshell, what he told me was that though the bible is the word of god, every person who reads it is going to take from it something different. He told me that every person must find their belief in their own way. That the most important thing was to always try to be a good person and to be kind to others. Finally he quoted Mathew 7:12 to me, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets", and he told me that this is the most important line in the whole of the bible.
I spent a lot of time thinking after that. I decided I would have to figure it out for myself. This is when I became an agnostic. I wasn't ready to say god doesn't exist, but now I needed to either find proof of god, or figure out what the truth was. I read lots of books on Christianity. Then I read lots of books on other religions which led to books on ancient alien theories, which led to even more books on even more theories. On and off, I spent years looking for the truth. I looked every where too, cults(though I never actually joined one), drugs(all to many of them), and meditation all had their shot. None of them brought me any closer to god, or truth although I do still meditate as I feel it helps me focus. In the end, I realized what I had sort of thought all along, there is no god, and I never really needed one any ways.
I have been an atheist now for well over 20 years, a skeptic for pretty much all my life, and the golden rule is what I have tried to live by which makes me a humanist. Free thinking almost comes naturally once you shed the bonds of religion and can look at things with an open mind. I am happy in my godless state, I am at peace with the knowledge that when I die, I am dead and gone forever. I rejoice in the simple random chance that allows me to have this one precious life to enjoy and make of what I will.
I was raised as a Presbyterian which I have always considered a fortuitous things as this particular denomination is in my opinion less in your face than many of the modern Christians religions. My mother was a Sunday school teacher and my father was a deacon of the church so even though my upbringing was very much centered around the church, at least it wasn't one of those evangelical indoctrinations. As a youth I was actually pretty into it to be honest. Not having been exposed to any other viewpoint, how could I have known any better? I was in the youth choir, went to summer bible school, our family always went to the Wednesday night potlucks, and on Sundays we went to Sunday school and once I was old enough, I got to go to church services with my parents. I officially joined the church and was baptised at the age of 13. The next summer I got to go to my first summer camp and of course it was a christian summer camp. That is pretty much how things went till I reached the age of 15 or so.
At the same time I think I have always also been a skeptic. Though my skepticism did not include my religion until I was in my mid teens, on almost any other subject I had to be convinced with positive proof and facts. This meant I did a lot of exploring and generally getting into things I wasn't supposed to. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I got bit, stung, scratched, cut, burned, or worse during my life due to my need for knowledge and proof of everything around me. I got into a lot of trouble with my parents because of this too.
Because of my insatiable curiosity science was a natural draw for me. I got my first microscope when I was 9 and got my first chemistry set at 10. I spent hours reading everything from Jacques Cousteau, who was always one of my favorites as a child, to astronomy books and chemistry and pretty much anything I could get my hands on. My favorite subject though has always been reptiles. I caught my first garter snake when I was 5 and from that moment on, I was hooked on these amazing creatures. Snakes just fascinated me, here was an animal that with no arms or legs could move with ease through it's environment and is a lethal hunter to boot. This love of snakes is what I credit for my eventual change to a nonbeliever.
The change was slow to come, but around the age of 15 I realized that the bible portrayed snakes as evil, this just didn't sit right with me. Here was an animal that I had spent 2 thirds of my life studying and researching and learning everything I could about being blamed for the sins of mankind! Now up until this point, I had not really read much of the bible other than specific verses that were assigned to me at Sunday school, but I decided I needed to read the whole thing so I could understand more fully this conflict of what I knew to be true about snakes and what I had been taught in church was supposedly also true about snakes.
I started reading the bible and I went from cover to cover. When I finished reading it, I was just shocked. I was not sure what to think at this time, there were so many confusing and conflicting ideas and stories and so many of them were so astounding it was kind of overwhelming. I decided to talk to my minister and see if he could clear things up for me. In a nutshell, what he told me was that though the bible is the word of god, every person who reads it is going to take from it something different. He told me that every person must find their belief in their own way. That the most important thing was to always try to be a good person and to be kind to others. Finally he quoted Mathew 7:12 to me, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets", and he told me that this is the most important line in the whole of the bible.
I spent a lot of time thinking after that. I decided I would have to figure it out for myself. This is when I became an agnostic. I wasn't ready to say god doesn't exist, but now I needed to either find proof of god, or figure out what the truth was. I read lots of books on Christianity. Then I read lots of books on other religions which led to books on ancient alien theories, which led to even more books on even more theories. On and off, I spent years looking for the truth. I looked every where too, cults(though I never actually joined one), drugs(all to many of them), and meditation all had their shot. None of them brought me any closer to god, or truth although I do still meditate as I feel it helps me focus. In the end, I realized what I had sort of thought all along, there is no god, and I never really needed one any ways.
I have been an atheist now for well over 20 years, a skeptic for pretty much all my life, and the golden rule is what I have tried to live by which makes me a humanist. Free thinking almost comes naturally once you shed the bonds of religion and can look at things with an open mind. I am happy in my godless state, I am at peace with the knowledge that when I die, I am dead and gone forever. I rejoice in the simple random chance that allows me to have this one precious life to enjoy and make of what I will.
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